And away we go!

The holidays are nearly upon us (judging by the fact that WNIC has been playing Christmas music for about a week now . . . and I've been listening!!) and I'm both nervous and excited this year.

My default is to feel excited -- since that's how it has been for me for the previous 45 years of my existence. And having children only enhances the feeling for me. There's nothing I love more than that period between Thanksgiving and Christmas!! Who am I kidding? Halloween and New Years too! And when I'm in the right surroundings I still get a little giddy. I ran to the mall yesterday on my lunch hour to drop off some shoes that need repairing. I was immediately stimulated by all of the Christmas decorations everywhere! A drive down Main Street at dusk when the lights on the trees are sparkling makes me smile from ear to ear. Curt was in New York earlier this week when he emailed me a pic inside Macy's complete with its Christmas regalia and I was green with envy. Yup. Still love it.

The nervous part comes from the fact that Dad's not going to be with us this year. Hell, mom won't truly be with us either.

Sure, she'll be around for a bit on Thanksgiving . . . and maybe we'll catch a glimpse of her. And by glimpse, I mean something truly fleeting and immeasurable, like a certain sparkle in her eye or a familiar laugh -- you just know it when you see it. Maybe she'll even remember my name and melt my heart like she did when the girls and I visited her last week. That would be a wonderful gift. But she doesn't do well in crowds these days and our holidays are nothing if not crowded and noisy.

And so, things are going to be different. Dad won't be there to make his traditional Thanksgiving salad -- a huge hodgepodge of things that didn't resemble anything healthy. The after-dinner poker game will continue without him. Maybe we'll crack open his expensive whiskey we've been saving for the "right time" to drink. I'm sure he was waiting for the right time, too. I hate whiskey but you can bet I'll have a shot of it. I wouldn't miss that for the world.

This will be a holiday of new traditions. A time to pass the torch and create those lasting memories for my girls just like my parents did for me.

So, why am I crying while I'm typing this?

Ugh. I better hang on tight because this sure is going to be an interesting ride through the holidays. But that's what life is all about, right?

I miss you and love you, Mom and Dad. And I will do my best to honor your memory this year.

Just look at those smiling faces below. We've got so much to be thankful for.