Memories of Mom

I took these photos of the girls with Mom eons ago and they were stuck in a draft post. What a lovely sight to see! These were taken before Alzheimer's completely took her away from us . . . even as we watched helplessly.

I miss you, Mom!

who would have thought?

that I would miss our heated debates?

I love you, Dad!!

One last Christmas scene

The tree is down and packed away. The outside lights were quickly disseminated while the weather tried to reach 50 degrees this weekend. And my heart is heavy thinking about the anniversary of my Dad's funeral.

We took our Christmas tree down on January 2nd. The day my Dad died. Audrey even pointed that fact out and dubbed Sunday the "saddest day ever." Yeah honey, it was. However, we got through it by going to church, lighting two candles (one for Mom, one for Dad) and just living our lives as Dad would want. We even took the girls to a Red Wings game! I never put the two dates together when I took the tickets home from work several weeks ago.

So, when I came across this picture that Vivian had drawn earlier in December, I felt compelled to post it. This Christmas scene was a recurring theme in all of her artwork leading up to the holidays. The fireplace with stockings and candles . . . the Christmas tree in the center with loads of gifts . . . all of it the same every time.

We're back at school and work today. It's January 3rd.

I wonder what Vivian will be drawing today.

Mom's Christmas Cookies #1 - Chocolate Nut Fudge

Lately, I've been obsessed with the idea of making food from my childhood for the holidays. My mother used to throw down amazing amounts of food every year . . . including tubs and tubs of cookies and candy that were stored away and would make appearances on beautiful trays or in cookie tins to give away.

I want to be like my Mom. I really do. I guess that's what happens during middle age. Life is strange.

For some reason, I decided to start with her Chocolate Fudge recipe even though I was "ho hum" about it as a kid. But it's just SO Christmas to me now!

Here's the recipe in her handwriting straight from her gray-speckled recipe box:

It gets a little hard to follow but thankfully I found two other versions of it in her recipe boxes so I was able to decipher what to do. Here's a cleaner version:

2 pkgs (12 oz. each) semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 cup butter or margarine

1 jar (any size) marshmallow cream

1 lg can evaporated milk

4.5 cups sugar

2 cups chopped walnuts (optional)

1 tbsp vanilla

Put first three ingredients in a large bowl. (I melted the butter first).

In a heavy pan, mix evaporated milk and sugar and bring to a boil. Boil for 7 minutes stirring vigorously (being careful not to scorch). Pour melted mixture into bowl with the other ingredients and stir to mix. Add vanilla and blend with electric mixer until smooth. Stir in nuts.

Pour mixture into greased cookie sheets. Let sit for 24 hours before cutting into small pieces. Makes 5 pounds.

**I made some of the fudge without the nuts -- I simply poured half the mixture onto a cookie sheet before I added the nuts. Then stirred in 1 cup of nuts to the remaining portion. **

YUM!

[Note to self: You made it too skinny this year. Just pour the whole damn thing into one cookie sheet for big, fat pieces of fudge.]

The Nutcracker!

We just got through our weekend of The Nutcracker. I'm in recovery at the moment but I'll post more about it soon!

What a magical weekend for my girls!

Dad's Salad and the Yellow Bowl

Dad used to make the most unhealthy salad every year for Thanksgiving. It had become his signature dish for nearly every gathering where one is required to bring a dish to pass. I guess this is what happened when Mom was no longer doing all of the cooking.

However the critics always raved about it at Thanksgiving and the big yellow bowl that he served it in was scraped until it was empty! [I must admit that I never understood the appeal.] The dressing was created with some concoction of French dressing, ranch dressing, mustard, horseradish sauce, a little Worcestershire sauce and bacon grease. There was no recipe -- he just threw this stuff in there and stirred. The items that were drenched . . . er, dressed, consisted of iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, onions, rotini pasta, eggs and bacon.

For some reason, I ended up with that yellow bowl after seeing it in Mom and Dad's estate sale. How could we possibly let that one go? And since I had the bowl, I was left with the task of recreating his salad. In retrospect, I was probably the last person that should have taken this on.

I thought perhaps I could upscale it a bit and use romaine lettuce. My niece agreed that I could probably do that. Whew. One hurdle crossed. But then I chose to chuck the entire dressing thing and make my own. I was afraid I couldn't pull off Dad's magic.

However, when I was making the bacon on Thanksgiving morning, everyone who passed through Karen's kitchen said something along the lines of, "You're not going to use the bacon grease???" I was crossing my fingers and hoping they wouldn't care.

I may try again next year or I may go a totally different route. We'll see.

Here's the smoky buttermilk ranch dressing I used (which I happened to LOVE but Karen said it had too much garlic.) The yellow bowl wasn't scraped entirely clean but it was nearly empty so I'll take that as a win.

1 clove garlic, peeled

1 cup buttermilk

1/3 cup mayonnaise

1/3 cup dairy sour cream

2 Tbsp. snipped fresh Italian parsley

2 Tbsp. snipped fresh chives

1 green onion, thinly sliced

1 tsp. white wine vinegar

1/2 tsp smoked paprika

romaine

cherry tomatoes

boiled eggs

bacon

rotini pasta

And away we go!

The holidays are nearly upon us (judging by the fact that WNIC has been playing Christmas music for about a week now . . . and I've been listening!!) and I'm both nervous and excited this year.

My default is to feel excited -- since that's how it has been for me for the previous 45 years of my existence. And having children only enhances the feeling for me. There's nothing I love more than that period between Thanksgiving and Christmas!! Who am I kidding? Halloween and New Years too! And when I'm in the right surroundings I still get a little giddy. I ran to the mall yesterday on my lunch hour to drop off some shoes that need repairing. I was immediately stimulated by all of the Christmas decorations everywhere! A drive down Main Street at dusk when the lights on the trees are sparkling makes me smile from ear to ear. Curt was in New York earlier this week when he emailed me a pic inside Macy's complete with its Christmas regalia and I was green with envy. Yup. Still love it.

The nervous part comes from the fact that Dad's not going to be with us this year. Hell, mom won't truly be with us either.

Sure, she'll be around for a bit on Thanksgiving . . . and maybe we'll catch a glimpse of her. And by glimpse, I mean something truly fleeting and immeasurable, like a certain sparkle in her eye or a familiar laugh -- you just know it when you see it. Maybe she'll even remember my name and melt my heart like she did when the girls and I visited her last week. That would be a wonderful gift. But she doesn't do well in crowds these days and our holidays are nothing if not crowded and noisy.

And so, things are going to be different. Dad won't be there to make his traditional Thanksgiving salad -- a huge hodgepodge of things that didn't resemble anything healthy. The after-dinner poker game will continue without him. Maybe we'll crack open his expensive whiskey we've been saving for the "right time" to drink. I'm sure he was waiting for the right time, too. I hate whiskey but you can bet I'll have a shot of it. I wouldn't miss that for the world.

This will be a holiday of new traditions. A time to pass the torch and create those lasting memories for my girls just like my parents did for me.

So, why am I crying while I'm typing this?

Ugh. I better hang on tight because this sure is going to be an interesting ride through the holidays. But that's what life is all about, right?

I miss you and love you, Mom and Dad. And I will do my best to honor your memory this year.

Just look at those smiling faces below. We've got so much to be thankful for.

I Miss My Blog

Dear Blog,

I've been thinking about you a lot. I miss you. So much time has gone by and I feel like we've completely lost touch. I hate that.

I need to come clean. The fact is . . . I've just been spending too much time on Facebook lately.

I know, I know. I'm so sorry. But I

want to reconnect and visit you again on a regular basis. Will you have me back? I promise to try harder.

It's just been a tough year with a lot of fits and starts. But I'm working through it and I want to come back. There are a lot of positive things going on in my life and I want to share it with you.

Whew. I feel better now. I'll be back soon!!

Love, Kathy

Where do I begin?

I hate it when too much time goes by between blog posts. I feel this pressure to fill in all the holes and write about everything that happened.

Let's see . . . let me recap. Since I last wrote we have hosted, attended or participated in . . .

• Two days of dance recitals


• Vivian's Very Hungry Caterpillar performance followed by


• both girls dancing at Glacier Hills with the Provenzola boys and other Randazzo dancers


• Estabrook end-of-year Carnival


• Mom and Dad's Estate Auction (oh, so bittersweet)


• field trips and school parties


• last day of school


• Curt being brilliant in a show (How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying)


• cast parties and birthday parties
  

There. I feel better now.

I'm sure I'm missing something . . .

Me too

My co-workers are cool

. . . or at least one of them is.

Remember when I brought Audrey to work for "Take Your Kid To Work Day" and she set up her own office?

A week or so ago someone dropped a piece of paper in her "notes" folder. The paper illustrated how to make an origami bear. How cute! Audrey loved it.

On a whim, I took a piece of pink (of course!) paper and simply wrote "Thanks!" and put it in the same folder.

To my surprise and delight, there was another note this morning that read, "You're Welcome! Here's Another." Audrey can make a penguin now when I bring this home.

I would love to know who's doing this . . . or maybe not. It's so sweet.

All that glitters is good

The fairies are still very active in our house (although not nearly as active as Audrey would like).

They recently popped by with these cute little glittery books. Too bad mommies don't ever get fairy gifts (hint hint you guys! Mommies love glittery things!)

If you look closely, you'll see a poof of pink glittery stuff on top of the note they left . . . pixie dust. She had an ear infection requiring antibiotics last week. The fairies wanted to make sure she didn't miss another day of school. She was instructed to sprinkle the pixie dust on top of her ear.

Worked like a charm!!

Happy birthday, Dad!

Today is May 11th. Today would have been my Dad's 80th birthday. Today, I would have called him and sung Happy Birthday over the phone or something silly. But I couldn't. Well, I could have, but then someone might have threatened to have me join Mom in the assisted living facility.

It's a good thing I was busy/distracted at work today so I didn't have to think about it too much. Although, every time I wrote (yes, I still write with a pen occasionally) or typed the date, it was a stark reminder.

In typical Dad fashion, he had been planning his own 80th birthday party for many months -- at least six or eight months ago. And it was supposed to be a surprise party. That was always very confusing for us since he was telling everyone about his "party on May 8th at Meyer's Tavern". "How is this a surprise party?" we would ask. "Don't worry. I'll act surprised," he would reply.

We always knew we would have this party. What we didn't know was that he wasn't going to actually BE there to enjoy it. I guess the surprise was on us.

So, after his accident and spending several days watching vigil over Dad in the ICU, I remember saying, "Don't worry, Dad. We'll still have your party." Heather and Linda quickly joined in and agreed and we all laughed. It was the kind of laughter that was way out of proportion for the situation. You know, when you just need something to smile about because nothing seems all that great in your life at the time. . . . and you're just sick of crying. Less than an hour later, my Dad's very strong heart beat for the last time.

We later joked that Dad must have been waiting around to make sure that we were still going to have his party . . . he was free to go after he was assured that his plans would not be altered.

We had that party on Saturday, May 8th. It was not earth shattering. It was simple gathering and just what he would have wanted. I sang more karaoke that night than I have in the past 5 years -- because that's what Dad would have wanted.

And thanks to Heather, I only cried once during the party. She wrote a beautiful poem about her Grandpa. (oh yeah, need to get a copy of that!)

The evening was a celebration of a wonderful man's life. A man who lived every moment to the fullest . . . even when we all thought he should settle down a bit. I guess he knew better. I need to embrace that attidue a bit more in my life.

Love you Dad!!! Thanks for watching out for Mom. She's enjoying her visits with you.

Adorable Mother's Day Card

My favorite line?

" . . . she's so close to the star of the show" followed very closely by the the very last line.

Mom

On this Mother's Day Eve, I thought I'd share a few thoughts about my mom.

She's currently suffering from at least Stage 3 Alzheimer's (not exactly sure which stage she's in but it's up there.) Her condition seems to have worsened since Dad's passing. I'm not sure if that's a coincidence or if we're just all noticing it more now. Or could it be because everything that was once normal in her life has been taken away from her? Dad was definitely making things seem much more "normal" than we realized.

I continue to thank God and our lucky stars that Mom remains a very happy, sunny person. She was always a kind-hearted and loving soul and thankfully her sweet nature continues to manifest itself even through this horrible disease.

She's been regressing a bit lately. She's "having babies" and "getting married" but since those were all happy times in her life, why wouldn't she want to relive them?

On my last visit with her, I tried to take a few photos. It's extremely difficult to get her to focus and look into the camera lens.

Here's my first attempt.



She likes to hold onto a "hanky" most of the time so I dug one out for her. To my surprise instead of blowing her nose, she put it on her head!! Well . . . okay! We'll just go with it.

One more try at a picture. We're getting closer . . .

And here she is, all smiles, holding her "baby." I guess that's what she needed.

And to be honest, she talked more to the baby than she did to me while I visited. I think she finds comfort there. It's challenging for her to carry on a conversation . . . her thoughts just drift away from her. I imagine talking to a baby is much more relaxing.

I wish I could get inside her head for a day to see what it is like for her. I can't even imagine.

I sent her boxes of treats for Mother's Day in the mail. I'm sure she has no idea what they are or who gave them to her. She's likely to make up a good story about the pretty boxes, though.

She's happy. And she sees Dad all of the time. And that makes me happy.

I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Audrey's Exercise plan

Teacher Audrey

Audrey has been very busy lately.

She has also decided that her sister isn't all that awful anymore. I'm not exactly sure what what prompted her change in attitude, but I like it. This morning when I went to wake the girls up for school, I found BOTH of them sleeping in Vivian's bed! Audrey snuggled in beside Vivian.

Upon further investigation, I learned that Audrey had a bad dream about Vivian (something about Audrey going crazy and trying to hurt her) and she woke up so upset that she wanted to be close to her. Awww. Just recalling the story brought Audrey to tears.

Two days ago, Audrey decided that she needed to teach Vivian how to read. That, combined with the fact that apparently they're learning all about Microsoft Word in school, prompted her to type up several worksheets for Vivian to work on. They are provided below.

I think Vivian lasted about 10 minutes.

And never made it past the first worksheet.

Audrey's 1st Communion!

We couldn't have asked for a more perfect day to celebrate Audrey's First Communion on Saturday, May 1st.

It was so special that even the President came to town! We could hear Marine One flying overhead at one point during the ceremony.

Audrey was over-the-top excited about getting her First Communion. She looked stunningly gorgeous on her special day.

Fr. Jim gave an lovely homily while he quizzed all of the communicants on their knowledge of the Mass parts. Audrey correctly answered one of the questions! Whew.

And we all settled in for some heaping piles of Chinese Food at Asia City down the street. We were given a place of honor on the stage. How did they know?

The parties continued in Ohio later on Saturday and then on Sunday when my nephew Paul also celebrated HIS first communion. A combined party was held for both kiddos. It was a windy day but we managed to have fun in spite of the threatening rain. Curt was the grill master for the event. I failed to get a picture of that. I guess I was too busy cutting vegetables and blowing up balloons. Good times.