Merry Christmas!!!

The cat is looking over the Christmas mess.

Chestnuts roasting

A looooong time ago, my mom used to make T-bone steaks and tons of trimmings for our Christmas Eve dinner. But that was before all of her kids were married and there were a sh*t-load of grandkids running around. After that, our cozy Christmas Eve meals turned into a raucous party with more drinks consumed than food. My nieces and nephews will never let me forget the year I knocked down the Christmas tree . . . twice.

Ah. Good times.

Since this is my throw-back Christmas and it's just the four of us for Christmas Eve dinner, I wanted to go back to Mom's original theme. Instead of T-bone steaks, we're grilling NY Strip Steaks because they're Curt's favorite. Also on the menu are old-fashioned baked potatoes and a few side dishes, including this braised cabbage recipe.

I got a little help with the roasted chestnuts here. The house smelled SO good this afternoon!

I haven't made this yet but I'm crossing fingers that it will be a hit.

Braised Red Cabbage With Chestnuts

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoons of canola oil
• 2 medium onions, halved lengthwise, and thinly sliced
• 1 head of red cabbage, halved, cored, and thinly sliced
• 2/3 cups of reduced-sodium chicken or vegetable broth (Always buy broth in cardboard containers instead of cans.)
• 2 teaspoons of sugar
• 1 teaspoon of caraway seeds
• 1 cup fresh chestnuts, cooked, peeled, and halved
• 1/3 cup of cider vinegar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• black ground pepper, to taste

Preparation

1. Heat oil in a large pot or Dutch oven over medium heat. Add onions and cook, stirring often, until light golden, 6 to 8 minutes.
2. Add cabbage and cook, stirring occasionally, until the cabbage wilts, about 5 minutes. Stir in broth, sugar, and caraway seeds; bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low, cover and cook until the cabbage is very tender, 15 to 20 minutes.
3. Stir in chestnuts, vinegar, salt and pepper. Increase heat to medium and cook, uncovered, until most of the liquid has evaporated and the chestnuts are hot, 5 to 8 minutes.

Makes 8 servings.

I haven't made Christmas Cut-out Cookies yet!

And they are Santa's favorite!!

The days preceding Christmas are flying by and I still haven't checked off

everything on my list.

- Decorate the house and put up the tree. Check. The girls were extremely helpful this year and put ALL of the ornaments on the tree. And I didn't bother rearranging a thing. I must be mellowing in my old age.

- Make Mom's chocolate nut fudge. Check

- Make Mom's 7 layer bars. Check.

- Make Peanut butter blossom cookies (also mom's). Check

- Purchase gifts for teachers and staff. Check and DONE!!

- Purchase presents for family -- including the items that the girls told Santa they wanted. Check. I think. The list keeps growing. I saw a letter that Vivian wrote to Santa at pre-school the other day asking for a Princess Barbie and a couple of other things. I didn't know anything about a damned Princess Barbie! That's the first I heard of it. She told Mall Santa that she wanted "a little teapot" (also news to me.) Audrey said she "ordered" a Nintendo DSi . . . as if she made a few clicks on Amazon.com.

- Wrap millions and millions of things. Almost check. I got a LOT done last night when my dear friend Sara invited the girls over to her house for a few hours after school. Thank you Brennen for being one of Audrey's besties.

- Make "dough balls" for Christmas morning. Ingredients have been purchased. Check.

- Make Santa's favorite cookies. ACK! I can't believe I have yet to make the quintessential Christmas cut-out cookies! I guess I know what we're doing during the day on Christmas Eve!

And instead of my mom's recipe, Curt insists that I have to follow his mom's recipe. Good enough. They all the look the same and it's the only thing he has had a strong opinion about. Except that I couldn't find the recipe.

Curt dug it up in an email he received from his mom in 2007. Lest I lose it again, I'm placing it on this blog for safe-keeping.

Christmas Cutout Cookies

1 Cup Butter 1 tstp vanilla

1 ½ Cups white sugar 3 eggs

3 ½ cups flour 2 tsps cream of tartar

1 tsp Soda ½ tsp salt

Cream the butter, sugar, eggs, salt and vanilla well. Best to use mixer but not necessary. Add the flour, soda, and cream of tartar by hand. Mix by hand. Chill dough. Roll out and cut with cookie cutters or by hand. Bake on an ungreased cookie sheet for 7 to 8 minutes at 375 degrees.

Let the baked cookies sit for a couple of minutes before removing them from the cookie sheet, as they need to firm a bit.

These are really good cookies. You can handle and re-handle the dough and the little chunks of dough that are leftover from each cutting.

UPDATED POST:

Here are some pictures of what OUR cookies looked like!!

Mom's Christmas Cookies #2 - 7-Layer Bars

I was inspired to make these bars -- also not because they were my favorite -- but because they were my brother-in-law Rick's favorite. We talked about making mom's recipes during our Thanksgiving gathering and his eyes lit up when he remembered Mom's 7-layer bars. I quietly vowed to myself that I would make them this year.

And that was BEFORE he landed in the hospital fighting for his life. Rick caught a very severe case of strep pneumonia and was very sick, in ICU and on a ventilator for over a week. After being moved out of ICU, he stayed for another five days before he was able to return home. He remains on oxygen at home and is still working his way back to health. It was surreal seeing Rick hooked up to the ventilator just a year from seeing my own Dad on that very same machine. I'm not sure what kind of sign God is trying to send to us. I suppose it's about feeling blessed and to appreciate the people who remain with us and thankful for the time that we had with those we've lost. That's what I'm going with anyway.

Oh, by the way, we've canceled Christmas.

Well, we've only postponed it a little bit. The Kinninger Christmas will be celebrated sometime in January. That's cool. That will give me more time to make all of mom's cookies!

And, in honor of Rick and my mom, here's the 7 layer bar recipe!

• 1 cup butter
• 3 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 1 pkg semisweet chocolate chips
• 1 pkg butterscotch chips
• 1 cup chopped walnuts (I used hazel nuts!)
• 2 (14 ounce) cans sweetened condensed milk
• 1 1/3 cups shredded coconut

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C).
2. Melt butter and mix with graham cracker crumbs in a bowl. Spread into 13 x 9 inch pan and and press firmly to make a "crust."
3. Pour condensed milk over crumb mixture, then layer coconut, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, and nuts. Press firmly with a fork
4. Bake until edges are golden brown, about 40 minutes. Let cool.

Only 4 more days!

Mom's Christmas Cookies #1 - Chocolate Nut Fudge

Lately, I've been obsessed with the idea of making food from my childhood for the holidays. My mother used to throw down amazing amounts of food every year . . . including tubs and tubs of cookies and candy that were stored away and would make appearances on beautiful trays or in cookie tins to give away.

I want to be like my Mom. I really do. I guess that's what happens during middle age. Life is strange.

For some reason, I decided to start with her Chocolate Fudge recipe even though I was "ho hum" about it as a kid. But it's just SO Christmas to me now!

Here's the recipe in her handwriting straight from her gray-speckled recipe box:

It gets a little hard to follow but thankfully I found two other versions of it in her recipe boxes so I was able to decipher what to do. Here's a cleaner version:

2 pkgs (12 oz. each) semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 cup butter or margarine

1 jar (any size) marshmallow cream

1 lg can evaporated milk

4.5 cups sugar

2 cups chopped walnuts (optional)

1 tbsp vanilla

Put first three ingredients in a large bowl. (I melted the butter first).

In a heavy pan, mix evaporated milk and sugar and bring to a boil. Boil for 7 minutes stirring vigorously (being careful not to scorch). Pour melted mixture into bowl with the other ingredients and stir to mix. Add vanilla and blend with electric mixer until smooth. Stir in nuts.

Pour mixture into greased cookie sheets. Let sit for 24 hours before cutting into small pieces. Makes 5 pounds.

**I made some of the fudge without the nuts -- I simply poured half the mixture onto a cookie sheet before I added the nuts. Then stirred in 1 cup of nuts to the remaining portion. **

YUM!

[Note to self: You made it too skinny this year. Just pour the whole damn thing into one cookie sheet for big, fat pieces of fudge.]

Tweets from the North Pole!

We had a fun and exhausting trip to the North Pole last night!

Curt makes such a great Santa. He even worked some OT after the show when a friend needed a favor. Her daughter was unhappy and embarrassed about something that was said on TV so she needed a little extra Santa love.

Audrey also called in and did a great job pretending she wasn't talking to her parents. Vivian apparently knew it was me immediately and thought Daddy must have been "at work." She seemed underwhelmed that I knew Santa so well. She was more impressed with my "Christmas-y clothes."

Below are a few shots from the evening, as well as the live tweets from CTN.

Santa Live!

Nutcracker 2010

The girls performed in their first-ever production of The Nutcracker over the weekend. I'm sure it won't be the last.

I had the dubious honor of being the "backstage chairperson" since I'm a seasoned stage mom (with our debut in "Cinderella" last year.) It was fine, however. I was also mom to the youngest cast member (at only 4 years old!) and I figured I'd better be back stage anyway.

Vivian kept up with the 5 and 6 year olds in her Clown group and may have even stole the scene when she expertly dealt with her bow falling off near the beginning of her dance during the final (and videotaped) performance. She has great instincts, that one. although she was very upset with me when we got offstage. "Mommy, you're opposed to put my bow on tight!"

Audrey was absolutely gorgeous as a party girl. She danced and acted her way through the entire party scene with grace and elegance. And if you ask her, she had one of the biggest roles in the show. She really believes she was the star.

My long weekends of hauling the girls to separate rehearsals and then sitting in the basement of the auditorium are now over and I won't miss them. However, watching the girls light up during rehearsals and performances and seeing Vivian dance in the wings before going on stage (usually the Sugar Plum fairy dance) made it all worthwhile.

The Nutcracker!

We just got through our weekend of The Nutcracker. I'm in recovery at the moment but I'll post more about it soon!

What a magical weekend for my girls!

Dad's Salad and the Yellow Bowl

Dad used to make the most unhealthy salad every year for Thanksgiving. It had become his signature dish for nearly every gathering where one is required to bring a dish to pass. I guess this is what happened when Mom was no longer doing all of the cooking.

However the critics always raved about it at Thanksgiving and the big yellow bowl that he served it in was scraped until it was empty! [I must admit that I never understood the appeal.] The dressing was created with some concoction of French dressing, ranch dressing, mustard, horseradish sauce, a little Worcestershire sauce and bacon grease. There was no recipe -- he just threw this stuff in there and stirred. The items that were drenched . . . er, dressed, consisted of iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, onions, rotini pasta, eggs and bacon.

For some reason, I ended up with that yellow bowl after seeing it in Mom and Dad's estate sale. How could we possibly let that one go? And since I had the bowl, I was left with the task of recreating his salad. In retrospect, I was probably the last person that should have taken this on.

I thought perhaps I could upscale it a bit and use romaine lettuce. My niece agreed that I could probably do that. Whew. One hurdle crossed. But then I chose to chuck the entire dressing thing and make my own. I was afraid I couldn't pull off Dad's magic.

However, when I was making the bacon on Thanksgiving morning, everyone who passed through Karen's kitchen said something along the lines of, "You're not going to use the bacon grease???" I was crossing my fingers and hoping they wouldn't care.

I may try again next year or I may go a totally different route. We'll see.

Here's the smoky buttermilk ranch dressing I used (which I happened to LOVE but Karen said it had too much garlic.) The yellow bowl wasn't scraped entirely clean but it was nearly empty so I'll take that as a win.

1 clove garlic, peeled

1 cup buttermilk

1/3 cup mayonnaise

1/3 cup dairy sour cream

2 Tbsp. snipped fresh Italian parsley

2 Tbsp. snipped fresh chives

1 green onion, thinly sliced

1 tsp. white wine vinegar

1/2 tsp smoked paprika

romaine

cherry tomatoes

boiled eggs

bacon

rotini pasta

And away we go!

The holidays are nearly upon us (judging by the fact that WNIC has been playing Christmas music for about a week now . . . and I've been listening!!) and I'm both nervous and excited this year.

My default is to feel excited -- since that's how it has been for me for the previous 45 years of my existence. And having children only enhances the feeling for me. There's nothing I love more than that period between Thanksgiving and Christmas!! Who am I kidding? Halloween and New Years too! And when I'm in the right surroundings I still get a little giddy. I ran to the mall yesterday on my lunch hour to drop off some shoes that need repairing. I was immediately stimulated by all of the Christmas decorations everywhere! A drive down Main Street at dusk when the lights on the trees are sparkling makes me smile from ear to ear. Curt was in New York earlier this week when he emailed me a pic inside Macy's complete with its Christmas regalia and I was green with envy. Yup. Still love it.

The nervous part comes from the fact that Dad's not going to be with us this year. Hell, mom won't truly be with us either.

Sure, she'll be around for a bit on Thanksgiving . . . and maybe we'll catch a glimpse of her. And by glimpse, I mean something truly fleeting and immeasurable, like a certain sparkle in her eye or a familiar laugh -- you just know it when you see it. Maybe she'll even remember my name and melt my heart like she did when the girls and I visited her last week. That would be a wonderful gift. But she doesn't do well in crowds these days and our holidays are nothing if not crowded and noisy.

And so, things are going to be different. Dad won't be there to make his traditional Thanksgiving salad -- a huge hodgepodge of things that didn't resemble anything healthy. The after-dinner poker game will continue without him. Maybe we'll crack open his expensive whiskey we've been saving for the "right time" to drink. I'm sure he was waiting for the right time, too. I hate whiskey but you can bet I'll have a shot of it. I wouldn't miss that for the world.

This will be a holiday of new traditions. A time to pass the torch and create those lasting memories for my girls just like my parents did for me.

So, why am I crying while I'm typing this?

Ugh. I better hang on tight because this sure is going to be an interesting ride through the holidays. But that's what life is all about, right?

I miss you and love you, Mom and Dad. And I will do my best to honor your memory this year.

Just look at those smiling faces below. We've got so much to be thankful for.

I Miss My Blog

Dear Blog,

I've been thinking about you a lot. I miss you. So much time has gone by and I feel like we've completely lost touch. I hate that.

I need to come clean. The fact is . . . I've just been spending too much time on Facebook lately.

I know, I know. I'm so sorry. But I

want to reconnect and visit you again on a regular basis. Will you have me back? I promise to try harder.

It's just been a tough year with a lot of fits and starts. But I'm working through it and I want to come back. There are a lot of positive things going on in my life and I want to share it with you.

Whew. I feel better now. I'll be back soon!!

Love, Kathy

Where do I begin?

I hate it when too much time goes by between blog posts. I feel this pressure to fill in all the holes and write about everything that happened.

Let's see . . . let me recap. Since I last wrote we have hosted, attended or participated in . . .

• Two days of dance recitals


• Vivian's Very Hungry Caterpillar performance followed by


• both girls dancing at Glacier Hills with the Provenzola boys and other Randazzo dancers


• Estabrook end-of-year Carnival


• Mom and Dad's Estate Auction (oh, so bittersweet)


• field trips and school parties


• last day of school


• Curt being brilliant in a show (How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying)


• cast parties and birthday parties
  

There. I feel better now.

I'm sure I'm missing something . . .

Me too

My co-workers are cool

. . . or at least one of them is.

Remember when I brought Audrey to work for "Take Your Kid To Work Day" and she set up her own office?

A week or so ago someone dropped a piece of paper in her "notes" folder. The paper illustrated how to make an origami bear. How cute! Audrey loved it.

On a whim, I took a piece of pink (of course!) paper and simply wrote "Thanks!" and put it in the same folder.

To my surprise and delight, there was another note this morning that read, "You're Welcome! Here's Another." Audrey can make a penguin now when I bring this home.

I would love to know who's doing this . . . or maybe not. It's so sweet.

All that glitters is good

The fairies are still very active in our house (although not nearly as active as Audrey would like).

They recently popped by with these cute little glittery books. Too bad mommies don't ever get fairy gifts (hint hint you guys! Mommies love glittery things!)

If you look closely, you'll see a poof of pink glittery stuff on top of the note they left . . . pixie dust. She had an ear infection requiring antibiotics last week. The fairies wanted to make sure she didn't miss another day of school. She was instructed to sprinkle the pixie dust on top of her ear.

Worked like a charm!!

Happy birthday, Dad!

Today is May 11th. Today would have been my Dad's 80th birthday. Today, I would have called him and sung Happy Birthday over the phone or something silly. But I couldn't. Well, I could have, but then someone might have threatened to have me join Mom in the assisted living facility.

It's a good thing I was busy/distracted at work today so I didn't have to think about it too much. Although, every time I wrote (yes, I still write with a pen occasionally) or typed the date, it was a stark reminder.

In typical Dad fashion, he had been planning his own 80th birthday party for many months -- at least six or eight months ago. And it was supposed to be a surprise party. That was always very confusing for us since he was telling everyone about his "party on May 8th at Meyer's Tavern". "How is this a surprise party?" we would ask. "Don't worry. I'll act surprised," he would reply.

We always knew we would have this party. What we didn't know was that he wasn't going to actually BE there to enjoy it. I guess the surprise was on us.

So, after his accident and spending several days watching vigil over Dad in the ICU, I remember saying, "Don't worry, Dad. We'll still have your party." Heather and Linda quickly joined in and agreed and we all laughed. It was the kind of laughter that was way out of proportion for the situation. You know, when you just need something to smile about because nothing seems all that great in your life at the time. . . . and you're just sick of crying. Less than an hour later, my Dad's very strong heart beat for the last time.

We later joked that Dad must have been waiting around to make sure that we were still going to have his party . . . he was free to go after he was assured that his plans would not be altered.

We had that party on Saturday, May 8th. It was not earth shattering. It was simple gathering and just what he would have wanted. I sang more karaoke that night than I have in the past 5 years -- because that's what Dad would have wanted.

And thanks to Heather, I only cried once during the party. She wrote a beautiful poem about her Grandpa. (oh yeah, need to get a copy of that!)

The evening was a celebration of a wonderful man's life. A man who lived every moment to the fullest . . . even when we all thought he should settle down a bit. I guess he knew better. I need to embrace that attidue a bit more in my life.

Love you Dad!!! Thanks for watching out for Mom. She's enjoying her visits with you.

Adorable Mother's Day Card

My favorite line?

" . . . she's so close to the star of the show" followed very closely by the the very last line.

Mom

On this Mother's Day Eve, I thought I'd share a few thoughts about my mom.

She's currently suffering from at least Stage 3 Alzheimer's (not exactly sure which stage she's in but it's up there.) Her condition seems to have worsened since Dad's passing. I'm not sure if that's a coincidence or if we're just all noticing it more now. Or could it be because everything that was once normal in her life has been taken away from her? Dad was definitely making things seem much more "normal" than we realized.

I continue to thank God and our lucky stars that Mom remains a very happy, sunny person. She was always a kind-hearted and loving soul and thankfully her sweet nature continues to manifest itself even through this horrible disease.

She's been regressing a bit lately. She's "having babies" and "getting married" but since those were all happy times in her life, why wouldn't she want to relive them?

On my last visit with her, I tried to take a few photos. It's extremely difficult to get her to focus and look into the camera lens.

Here's my first attempt.



She likes to hold onto a "hanky" most of the time so I dug one out for her. To my surprise instead of blowing her nose, she put it on her head!! Well . . . okay! We'll just go with it.

One more try at a picture. We're getting closer . . .

And here she is, all smiles, holding her "baby." I guess that's what she needed.

And to be honest, she talked more to the baby than she did to me while I visited. I think she finds comfort there. It's challenging for her to carry on a conversation . . . her thoughts just drift away from her. I imagine talking to a baby is much more relaxing.

I wish I could get inside her head for a day to see what it is like for her. I can't even imagine.

I sent her boxes of treats for Mother's Day in the mail. I'm sure she has no idea what they are or who gave them to her. She's likely to make up a good story about the pretty boxes, though.

She's happy. And she sees Dad all of the time. And that makes me happy.

I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day!